ain't a fairytale.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

help me. ; lovestory

--

gosh, someone help me.
im mentally insane.
i mean it.
i really am.
god,

god, help me.
please, the pain's killing me.
its climbing up to my neck.
it is.
it already is.
no, this cant be happening!
i really.
can believe.
i need a cousellor.
come on!
ive stopped slashing.
i have.
i will, i hope.
save me.

that song's making me cry.
after a while.
NADHIRAHHHH!
BUCK UP!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!
COME ON GIRL!
DONT BE LIKE THIS.
YOU'RE STRONGER THAN THIS!!!!!!!!
DONT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF!

i guess that true.
come on!
nadd!
forget it!!!
pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
he's already happy, thanks to you!
stop!stop!
you always wanted him to be happy with his family
and there you go!
dont destroy his happiness.

NOOO!
I CANT DO THIS. T.T
i really cant...
come on...

why am i talking to myself these days?!
why is my thoughts that i only get to listen these days.

today sucks.
embarrassed by alwani, sab and nas.
come on. why did they had to tell teacher and class?
I DONT LIKE IT.
I REALLY HATE IT.
and that caused me to be emo til now.
im serious.

and im labelled as emo queen & emo kid?
wth?
ok la. cause i am?
and i cant believe i am!
i want my old meee!
WHERE ARE YOU!

nadddd!!!!!!!
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
COME ON.
BUCK UP!!!!!!!

after mt was
i guess, english.
and yeah, did just uhm. slideshows
and write descriptive.
and i was the first to complete?
i didnt pay attention to the slides.
i couldnt!!!
recess.
god, i was just.. idontknow?!
ARGH!!!!!!!

whats next?
ihum.
i . totally. cannot. believe. it.
i dont even remember anything.
nothing was in my head.
nothing got into.
i dont know what was taught!
i know nothing today!!

after ihum was
bio.
teacher didnt come.
i just slept.
and slept.
and got.
stares.
like
ash's ):
by. someone. not. him ):
I DONT LIKE IT!

MR MR MR.
MR MAT.
MR DONT KNOW.
MR YOU.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ):
GOSH. PLEASE.
SOMEONE.
HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE.
I FEEL LIKE DYING!
I DONT KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IM SO STRESSED!!!!!!!!!
LIFE AND ALL.
ITS NOT ONLY HIM!!!

after bio was phy.
im so lucky we just marked works.
and thats all.
(:

drama,
I TOTALLY LOST FOCUS.
but had only two full runs.
Ruby came?
lols.
and thats why released 6pm.
sucks.

got home. eat pizza.
bath. use com.
and thats how.
suckish. life. is!
i mean, its not just that lar!!!!!
ergh!

mum hasnt been checking my phone.
i didnt notice, but nice to know.
cause i guess. haiz...

everyone's happy that i broke up?
except myself.
wow.
maybe its time i put others before me.
and i guess, i have.
time i learn the meaning of happiness?

heart's broken.

i think im living life somewhat like amalina.
except, not that wild.
god!
yes whatever she said about love and her life, is the same as mine.
yes, being single makes our life complicated and worse.
dont tell the guys why.
and yeah, i dont think friends would understand.
they would think we are just showing of our crap.
imagine they being in our place.
wtf right?
k. bettter shut up now.
--

my shoulder hurts.
my left shoulder.
the whole of my left arm, actually.
im getting sick this days.
im feeling worse.
aneroxia nervosa.
hah, the syf play.
gosh, i think i can be the main character.
i guess, somehow, im going through that.
gosh.
someone?

a few words, here and there.
of course not all.
am i heartless?
gosh ):
but i didnt get angry.
no scold.
no, nothing.
ARRRRRRRRGHHH :'(
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
MAKE ME FORGET ALL THIS.
GOSHHH!

WE ARE ALREADY ENEMIES.
I BET.
SOMEONEEEE..
HELP ME!

IM SCREAMING IN THE INSIDE,
WISHING SOMEONE COULD HEAR.
like whatever shaik said lar.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

NO.
NO ONE.
NO ONE SHOULD REPLACE HIM.
NO ONE!!!!!

NO ONE WILL NEVER EVER
AND CAN NEVER REPLACEEEEEE HIM!

please dont.
please.

i wont lose the papers he gave.
the drawings he made.
the words he wrote.
the simple words.
wont throw away.
wont burn them.
i wont.
i know i should.
i cant.

i cant pretend all this false
happiness and crap.
but what am i suppose to do?
someone?
please listen to me.
someone...

why do lovers become strangers?
argh!!!!
ineedcounselling.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!
I CANT STAND ITT!!!
IM SO STRESSED
IM LAUGHING AT NOTHING.
IM BEING A RETARD.
even Justin said that-.-
gosh. someone.
SOMEONE!

lemme scream.
lemme do what i want!!!!!
AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no, i cant do this.
i can.
i cant
i can
i cant!!
im going psycho!!!!

he said i love you,
i said, im sorry, im allergic to bullshit.

really, am i?

im trying to joke,
but i cant.
nadhirah!
make some senses please!!

I MISS HIM SO MUCH!